A Fast, A Glow-Up, and a Revelation: A Love Letter to My ‘I’m Back and I’m Better’ Era

After a much-needed reset, self-reflection, and a 21-day fast, I’ve returned clearer, lighter, and fully aligned. Happy New Year 🥳

When Bryson Tiller sang “I’m back, and I’m better” on his breakout track, “Don’t,” he mostly likely meant that he was trying to get his girl back. Meaning he was approaching shawty with a new attitude. This line literally means that I’ve arrived on the scene a whole new woman…. Let me explain (another gem by Tiller if you’ve never heard it, by the way).

I entered 2025 on the same old shit, if I’m being honest. My thoughts were inundated with a guy from a situationship that started as a summer romance, one that leaned into my pattern of slipping into feelings after starting friends-with-benefits relationships that are supposed to be “fun.”

My love for familiarity is both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, I’m probably the most nostalgic person you’ve ever met. The things that make me the happiest involve foods, movies, fashion, you name it, that stems from my formative years and even the years before my existence (sometimes I do feel as though I was meant to be a kid of the 70s, but ya know, that’s neither here nor there).

So when the clock struck midnight on January 1st, indicating that we were entering the year of the Lord that is now 2025, I’m not going to lie and say that I immediately jumped into the new year, a new me mindset that many find themselves embracing at the start of something new. In fact, on the first Saturday of the new year, I self-sabotaged like never before, but I’ll spare you (and myself) the details because I’ve already unpacked them with my therapist (shoutout to my girl Shevon).

Anywho, Nancy Drew, my first therapy session of the year was set for the following Tuesday. Not only was it right on time, but it also gave me the tools to turn things around quickly, come to terms with what happened, and move forward, giving myself the same grace I regularly extend to others.

Okay, that was just me laying the groundwork for what I’m about to say regarding my “I’m back and I’m better” energy. Before my therapist and I even dived into our conversation, I straight up told her that I quickly realized that the main trigger of the self-inflicted misery stems from rejection. Feeling rejected by the person you want hurts. There’s no other way to put it. I thought I wanted this person, but it was just a continuation of not feeling seen by my parent – that’s a story for another day. However, despite growing up with a very present father, I’ve learned at this big age that I still suffer from daddy issues. There’s a vast difference between being physically and emotionally present, but again, that would need its post if I’m being frank.

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As a Scorpio sun, death and rebirth is almost second nature to me. I’ve lived many lives since I was born on November 3, 1992, which was an election day. (I love fun facts, even if they’re about myself.) So, like I do when things become unbearable or too much, I went into hiding.

This time, because again, I’m back and better, I retreated from the world as much as I could, but I didn’t run away from myself. On January 6th, I began a personal fast with my best friend, Courtney. For 21 days, I was locked in with myself and God, and the time revealed the parts of me that still needed healing.

Over those three weeks, I’ve slowly returned to myself, except it’s like Shanique 5.0. Although she seems familiar, this is a very different girl who knows who she is because she was reminded of who she is.

I won’t get into the specifics because I value the ways God has poured into me over the last 21 days. I will share this: no matter what happens in this life, the one constant thing is God. I’ve done the unthinkable. I’m not always the good guy in the relationship fallouts I’ve encountered in these 32 years. I’m messy, and I sometimes use my emotions to manipulate others…, and the list goes on, but yet still, God welcomed me back into His presence with welcome arms. For that, I am so grateful for being back and better because I am not the same girl I was last year, the year before that, or even on January 1, 2025. I don’t shun her, and I don’t hate her. I have learned to embrace all of my parts to show up better.

I’m proud of how far we’ve come and still have to go, but thank you, Shanique, for never giving up on me. Thank you for reminding me who I am and planting the seed to turn inward and get honest with myself during this fast.

I’ve lost 10 pounds, my headspace is more precise, I have control over my emotions, and I’m ready to embrace all that 2025 is about to be. Here’s to freedom, joy, creativity, crazy, crazy, crazy faith, and endless possibilities. It feels so good to be back and better!